5 Jan

Vivian, Avatar of Awesomeness: Ok, I am going to send you some forms in your email, that’ll be an I-9, a W-4, direct deposit, and so on. Please fill them out and—-
Asshat: Wait what? You’re going to mail them to me?
VAA: Again, I’m going to send them to your email and then —
Asshat: Wait.. I don’t have any emails from you
VAA: … (deep breath) … As I said, I’m *going* to email them to you and you need to fill them out and submit them back to me —
Asshat: Do I print them and bring them back in?
VAA: (pours vodka) There will be a submit button at the end where you can submit it to me electronically.
Asshat: Oh ok. So, I don’t have a computer.
VAA: (drinks) The public library has computers for your use, or the Unemployment Office also has computers you can use and people to help you fill the forms out. (thinking: or a friend’s house, or your mommy’s house, or your babymama’s house, JUST GO FIND ONE FOR FUCK’S SAKE)

One hour later…

*phone rings*
Vivian, bring on the phone already, sends the call to voicemail.
*phone rings, same number calling*
Vivian, being still on the phone, sends the call to voicemail.
*phone rings, same number calling*
Vivian, being still on the phone, sends the call to voicemail.
*phone rings, same number calling*
Vivian, having just hung up her previous call, answers.

VAA: Blah blah blah can I help you?
Asshat: Yeah uh I can’t get these forms to work.
VAA: (headdesk) I need to know what the problem is…
Asshat: the problem is that they won’t work!
VAA: Please tell me what point you are at and what error message you are getting.
Asshat: Blah blah blah
VAA: Ok, you need to do thisandsuch (being something very simple that a four-year-old could figure out).
Asshat: Oh, ok. So now it’s telling me blah blah.
VAA: I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not able to walk you through this step by step. Are you at the unemployment office where they have people specifically there to help you do this?
Asshat: No.
VAA: … D:
VAA: Please go to the unemployment office.
Asshat: Ok…

Never to be heard from again.

Welcome to my life.

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